Teenage Dating

I’ll just be completely honest. I do not want my kids to date. Not even my high school kids. And I discourage it so vehemently that they oblige.

Looking back now as a parent, I wish someone had told me all about dating when I was younger. The ins and outs, pros and cons, and the whole reason behind dating.

What’s dating for, anyway?

In my personal opinion, it’s to see if two people with two different personalities are compatible for marriage. Right?

So you go on a date, and if you liked it you’ll go out again. And if you continue to like it, you’ll probably start exclusively dating just that one person. But generally speaking, if you really like someone enough to date them for a long time you probably won’t want to just break it off to start all over again somewhere else. People don’t break up with people they really like!

Then what?

Like turns into love and all of a sudden you’re picturing a future with this person. Great! For adults.

Here’s the thing. Kids don’t know what they want. They can’t even decide what foods they like from week to week. Forget about knowing who they are as a person! They’re still figuring it all out. And their likes and dislikes, passions, and personalities will continue to flux throughout adolescence and into early adulthood.

As these kids outgrow their personalities they’re also outgrowing their relationships without knowing how to let them go. In the end, it results in heartbreak for one or both people involved.

Someone said recently they thought teens SHOULD be dating before adulthood because when they experience issues or heartbreak their parents could be there to help them through it.

I still vote no.

There may be those isolated teens who talk to their parents about everything and God bless them. I wish all kids were that forthcoming with information. But they’re not. And it isn’t a select few either. Like… most of them. Most of them do not talk to their parents. So it really isn’t much help to start dating earlier.

There is a natural order to things.

Two people meet. They go on a date. They date exclusively, followed by engagement, followed by marriage, followed by sex.

Unless the dating has been going on for a long time.

Why do you think those cute kids who meet at Christian universities get married within a year? Hello!! It’s the sex! They want to do it, but in the right order. So a wedding ASAP is helpful for not falling into temptation.

So what do 15 and 16 year-olds have to look forward to? If full grown adults can’t hold it together how can we expect teenagers with raging hormones to? They already think they’re going to be together FOREVER!

Nope. They’re just skipping steps. They can’t get engaged or married until they’re legally adults so they just skip on to sex. Because they’re sure they know what love is. And when the normal becomes boring they’ll move on to whatever step they can get to next.

It isn’t all their fault.

Look. Teenagers just aren’t that smart. Or maybe I should say they’re not that equipped. Their brains just don’t have the capacity yet to make these kinds of decisions and really think them through. So why should we be letting our kids, whose brains are still not completely developed, make adult decisions? Why should we be putting them into situations where they need to?

I’m sure I’ll get a lot of hate and people telling me that I can’t shelter my kids forever. First of all, no I can’t. But while they are still my kids living in my house it’s my job as a parent to teach them as many lessons as possible without them having to learn through mistakes that can cause life altering consequences.

Also, they aren’t sheltered from the knowledge of what goes on. We talk about all the things. And you should talk to your kids about all the things too. The awkwardness goes away eventually.

But my teens are no longer surprised when a friend or classmate comes to school terrified that they might be pregnant and don’t know how to tell their parents. And now that we’ve talked about it A LOT, even they can see it coming. I’m not saying that they could make any better decision if put into that situation, but that’s why I’m helping them guard their heart until they’re old enough to do themselves.

Friends, having teens can be terrifying. I know! But it doesn’t have to be. Let’s be a generation of parents that TEACH instead of just letting our kids LEARN. Because that could make all the difference.

Have a blessed day!

Proverbs 4:23-27