Things I Wish I’d Known as a New Mom
There are so many things I wish I’d known as a new mom. Looking back now, after six kids, I realize how much I needed to learn. I had so many nieces and nephews growing up, and helped out with them so much, I thought I knew all I needed to know. I thought I’d seen all there was to see.
Boy was I wrong! Caring for my two bonus babies was easy. Of course, they didn’t live with us yet and part-time momming gives you plenty of breaks. But bringing my first baby home full-time was a different ball game. Thankfully, I had people around that could give me advice and help out. But there were a lot of things I found out too late.
So just in case your people haven’t told you yet:
Birth
For those of you currently pregnant or planning to get pregnant, know that you have much more freedom than the doctors give you. I had four pregnancies over the course of 8 years and no one told me, in any of that time, that I didn’t have to be hooked up to machines as soon as I was admitted.
No one told me I could labor on my own for a while without IV’s and pain meds. Or that doing so would actually help my body to do what it naturally does.
Someone could’ve told me that standing up and walking around helps labor progress faster, and that by laying immobile in a bed I was prolonging my own misery.
I wish I had known the pain meds they wanted to give me before my epidural would make me so loopy I’d barely remember the birth of my first child. And it would’ve been nice to know I had a say.
That’s just how it was done where I lived. And no one else around me knew anything different either. We just did what the doctor said. And that was that.
But there’s so much more for new moms. Do your research. Ask everyone you know. Listen to the experiences of others. And make sure to ask the “hippie moms” who gave birth at home. They are so full of good information. You’ll learn all kinds of things you didn’t know.
Then, no matter what you choose, at least you can go into your labor and delivery experience with all the information you need to make the best decisions for you and your baby.
First night home
The first night I was home with my brand new baby I made a mistake without even knowing it. I put him in his bassinet right beside my bed to sleep. Gasp! That doesn’t sound like much of a mistake, right?
I mean, as a new mom I wanted my baby close to me to make sure everything was okay. But I didn’t sleep at all that night because my precious little babe woke up crying every half hour. Why?! He was fed, burped, changed, clean…. go to sleep little man!
After the second night of absolutely no sleep I mentioned something to my sister about it. She pointed out to me that even though my baby had been snuggled up in my womb for nine+ months, it was by no means quiet in there.
Then he was born into the world and taken into a nursery that was never quiet and never dark. So why did I expect my infant to sleep in an environment that was now completely dark and completely quiet? An environment he had never known?
That third night home, his bassinet went into the living room. I left a light on and turned on some music. It wasn’t loud, but it wasn’t silent either. He slept for a solid 4 hours that night. It was a glorious 4 hours!
Look, I’m not saying this is going to fix all your problems. Babies refuse to sleep for all sorts of reasons. But it’s worth a shot if it can get you more sleep, right?
To Nurse or Not to Nurse?
People love to talk about the importance of nursing. And it is important. But you know what’s even more important? Your baby being fed.
Lots of people will trash you for choosing formula over breast. Some people will even trash you for choosing to nurse when “formula is used for millions of babies everywhere,” like you’re trying to show off or something.
Seriously? Do what you need to do. Choose what’s best for you and your baby, and don’t worry about the opinions of others.
I tried to nurse my first-born. The first problem was that he was always hungry. Turns out I wasn’t producing enough milk to keep him fed or full.
Also, I just didn’t love it. I was a college student starting a new semester with a huge workload and a tiny baby that limited my hours of sleep. I just wanted to make him a bottle and be done. And for those of you wondering, I never tried to nurse any of my other babies. When I was done, I was done.
My point is that my kids all got fed. And it didn’t matter how. Choose what’s best for you and throw any mom guilt you might have about it right out the window.
Mom Guilt
Speaking of mom guilt, it really is a thing. But here’s the deal. You don’t actually have to live with it. As a mom, especially a new mom, you’re going to make mistakes. That’s part of life. But it doesn’t have to define you and you shouldn’t let it.
You shouldn’t let comparison define you either.
There are moms that:
- Stay home.
- Work from home.
- Work outside the home.
- Leave their kids with family.
- Put their kids in daycare.
- Co-sleep.
- Self-soothe.
- Use medicine.
- Hate doctors.
And the list goes on and on.
Some moms, who feel super passionately one way or the other, will 100% give you their unsolicited opinion. That doesn’t mean it’s the best way. It’s just the best way for them.
Kids grow up in all kinds of ways and still end up as functional, responsible, happy adults. You do your best and your child will never know anything but being loved and taken care of by their mom.
If you still find yourself struggling with mom guilt, check out this post.
Anything else a new mom should know?
Should I mention bicycle legs for gas? The safety of sleep sacks? The fact that a newborn will poop mere minutes after being fed? How about if you cut the tip off a pacifier it won’t have the same suction and your toddler will be more likely to toss it out the window?!
There are a billion things you’ll learn along the way. And you’ll always find what works best for your family. Just be sure to give yourself grace in the process.
Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’ Proverbs 31:28–29