How to Be On Your Child’s Side

Be on your child’s side.

These are words that make people feel a lot of feelings. They can be quite controversial words if we’re being honest.

We all know someone who seems to always be on their child’s side, even when their child is wrong. Because of this, many parents are thought of as either being very naïve to their child’s actions or unapologetic for their misbehavior, and that’s a problem.

So, the question is: Should you always be on your child’s side?

The answer is yes. But that doesn’t necessarily mean what you might think.

How can we be on our kid’s team?

Love them.

They need to know that your love is unconditional. This seems like a given, I know, but so many kids out there feel like their parents’ love is dependent on circumstances. And unfortunately, some of them are right. Your child should know without a doubt they can bring anything to you, right or wrong, and you will love them anyway.

Talk to them.

Remember the parenting of yesteryear? When parents would forgo talking to their kids about certain subjects in hopes that if their kids didn’t know about it, it wasn’t real? That time is past. Honestly, that method was never actually successful in the first place yet it’s still being practiced by parents everywhere.

Just because you don’t talk to your kids about bullying, doesn’t mean they don’t deal with that. Just because you don’t talk about drugs doesn’t mean your kids don’t know about them. And talking to your kids about suicide prevention doesn’t put the idea into their heads. It let’s them know you are open to talking about the hard things.

That’s what they need. Someone who will talk about the hard things with them. If it isn’t the person who loves them unconditionally, it will be someone else. And their information is likely to be both inaccurate and unloving.

Listen.

Contrary to popular belief, this is different from talking. Sometimes your child just needs to process thoughts, concerns, and emotions. Sometimes they just need a listening ear without a lecture attached. Ask questions along the way to help guide them to a solution without it being “your idea.”

If you aren’t sure exactly what they need, don’t be afraid to ask. “Do you want advice or are you just venting?” It’s a question that will let you know what your child wants from you while still allowing them to feel somewhat in control of the conversation. When they feel more in control, they are usually more likely to open up.

Advocate for them.

Kids are being forced to deal with adult problems earlier and earlier in life. Sometimes, they need an advocate regardless of age. I’m a huge proponent of teaching kids how to problem solve on their own. We usually go through a few steps before I get involved. But when it comes down to it, I will get involved. You have to be willing to do that for your kids. In most cases, you are your child’s only advocate. They’re counting on you.

Correction.

We love the idea of sticking up for our kids but let’s face it… sometimes they’re wrong. And being on your child’s side means telling them when they’re wrong. You are doing your child a huge disservice if you aren’t teaching them not only the basics of right and wrong, but also appropriate social skills, respect, conflict resolution, and the concept of forgiveness.

Your child’s happiness is not more important than their behavior. An accomplishment wrongly acquired is not more important than a lesson learned.

Don’t set your child up for failure in a false reality where they are never wrong. They need to be prepared for the future. So tell them. Teach them. Help them.

Be there.

We’re all busy. Some of us work outside the home. Some of us don’t. Some of us still have little ones at home and some of us have all our kids in school. Some of us are homeschooling, so they’re home all day anyway. Whatever your circumstance, I’m sure you’d agree that you could use a few more hours in the day. I’m personally always running short on time. But we have to make time to be there for our kids.

My daughter and I came up with a system of talking about important things. I stay busy at home pretty much all the time so if she needs to talk to me about something important, she comes directly to me and makes sure I know. If I’m doing a nonessential task, I will stop right then to talk. But, sometimes I’m in the middle of something important and I have to ask her to wait with the assurance that we will talk after I’m finished.

This is the method that works for us. You may find a different method that works better for your family dynamic, but the most important thing is the follow through. You need to make time. Make time to talk. Make time to listen. Make time to just sit on the couch next to each other while you watch TV. Just be present.

If you have any suggestions or experiences with these things, I’d love to hear them in the comments. Have a blessed day!